From the heart of my wife Dorothy Patterson are these words:
October is Pastor Appreciation Month, and Pastor Appreciation Day falls on the second Sunday. Having been the wife of a pastor for decades, I know the burdens and difficulties that fall on the pastor and his family. My husband and I have devoted our lives to encouraging and equipping ministry families. Attached is a section from my book, A Handbook for Ministers' Wives. I also have included a suggestion on a way to show your support of a ministry family you love and appreciate.
"The pastor’s wife may be made or broken by the people in her husband’s congregation. She will make mistakes, especially in the early years of ministry. However, in most cases, her decisions are based on what she feels the Lord would have her do—choosing what is best for her family and for the church. Her lack of experience may precipitate some clumsy efforts, and she should be allowed to fail and learn from her mistakes.
Be considerate of your pastor's privacy and time.
The congregation can help their minister and his family by allowing them privacy. Give the pastor at least one day off each week. If the pastor sets aside a day for his wife, honor it. If the pastor plans a weekly evening at home with his family, help him guard it. Limit your telephone calls to genuine emergencies. Learn to contact other staff members with emergencies when the pastor is taking a day away from the church field.
Treat the pastor as you would like to be treated. Place non-emergency calls to his office during office hours rather than waiting until evenings or weekends. Be sure the pastor’s workload allows him adequate time with his wife and family. Give him an extended weekend occasionally without counting those days as vacation and allow him to have a holiday with his extended family. Someone in the church needs to take the initiative to discuss with the pastor how he can honor his family commitments within the context of broader ministries.
Don't look to your pastor's wife to be perfect.
Don’t expect too much of the minister’s wife. Let her give her primary energies to being a wife and mother and keeping her home. Let her find her own place for service within the church. Honor her seasons of life. When she has toddlers and preschoolers, she’ll miss more services because of sick babies. When she has teens, she’ll have more supervision and chauffeuring to do. Honor her priorities. Don’t look at her as an appendage of her husband; recognize her gifts; express appreciation to her directly for her contributions; introduce her with pride as the First Lady of your congregation!
Reflect before forming opinions about your pastor's kids.
Affirm the children of the pastor. Recognize their strengths and accomplishments. Be patient with their failures; replace your criticism with gentle and loving correction when that is needed. Respect and honor their parents, and you will win their hearts.
Assist in optimizing your pastor's salary.
The minister should receive an adequate salary. In many cases he has prepared himself with graduate and post-graduate education. All that education and maintaining a supportive library have costs, and these should be considered when setting the minister’s salary. Apart from salary, he should also have budget allotments for the extra expenses he incurs in doing his job—a housing allowance, car expense, library purchases, travel costs, and hospitality.
The minister is in the public eye, which in itself has costs. Many churches do not offer their pastors salaries that are commensurate with the median income of their professional membership. Churches should consult with tax experts and perhaps denominational consultants in order to structure the pastor’s compensation so that they do the most for a pastor with the resources available."
*An excerpt from A Handbook for Ministers’ Wives, to exhort churches to care for their pastors and families lovingly and graciously.
One recommendation is that you make a donation in your pastor's name to your church or a charitable organization.
If you would like to support Sandy Creek Foundation, we invest resources and time into serving the Lord though mentoring and supporting pastors–and their wives. For a contribution of $25 or more, we will send Dr. Paige Patterson’s Commentary on 1 Corinthians to your pastor or Dr. Dorothy Patterson’s volume, A Handbook for Ministers’ Wives to the wife of your pastor.
If you would like to honor your pastor in this way, please send an email to mainoffice@sandycreekfoundation.org with the name of the person you wish to honor and his or her mailing address. Our online giving portal is on the bottom of every web page on this site. Note: the tip to the platform is removable if you click the included tip and then click "other."
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